FROZEN

The wind is blow my hair

It’s freezy to what I feel…

Sitting down in here and try asking byself, when this feeling is gone

Remember 15 years ago, when my dad asking around to me

“What do u want to be….?”

I just smile to him and answer, “I want to make people happy dad”

Make u happy, make mom happy and all around me

And then time take me to grow up

15, 17, 20, 25, years old I passing by…..

What I realize is..people happier…but not me

I feel so cold inside of myself….lonely

Since I lost my diamond gone

I never falling in love before, until I found one man, and two man coming into my life

I always try to make them happy with me

But they are not around me

They are my diamond, my hope

But what I feel  is…. I’m lonely again…….it’s only for a while

Now I’m  declare since I lost

I Make my own boundaries, I’m vulnerable around them

Now I must  to happy for my own myself

If people cannot makes me smile, I have to makes myself smile by self

Sitting  around for 15 years lonely girl like me.

Friends has gone…best friend married and forget, and I have to keep move with my own life…in the silent.

Because I realize, what happen around me just temporary, it’s not loyal like a permanent tattoo

I’m a hero, I’m a tiger for myself, I was trying my best to be zero ego human, No egoism, control my emotion and keep all deep down myself, No complaining, No Sghhh, and sitting down in here to understand and ready for what happen next.

But deep down in here…”HEART”

Is stop beating for love, blocking the Man

Blood is getting blue like a dry leaf

No warm wind blowing me only Cold like ice…FROZEN

COLD…..COLD inside….only COLD to what I feel

My energy has gone with the wind…I lost my self before

Only has silent…silent inside, crying inside, lonely inside

And the spirit has die….

Only have dark inside of myself, hard to be healing I don’t know until when

I’m struggle and on my way to find my way back to home

Find myself before

Find me

Calling out me through the darkness

I’m fighting with my own self

The problem is my self, I’m fighting with me

Because I don’t like to be me right now….i like myself before, where everything is ok, where everything is peacefull, where everything is taff,  and beautiful like a  garden with flower

But now my land in my heart just frozen, dark, and dry.

Because somebody has broken…somebody has taking my beautiful things, my peaceful things

I’m on my fight, I’m on my struggling, I’m on my battle with my self to be good, to taking back what they are taken from me!!

I promise….i promise I can….time can take back to my self before….

And one day, my garden will beautiful, full of flower, full of peaceful, and I will keep forever….i’m a tiger for my garden before